The story of survival

To hell with moaning said M and got ready to jump when all of a sudden the inner calling popped up, a blurred familiar voice, a fragment from his childhoood. It was distant but warm, then one by one familiar faces appeared, arguing fiercely amongst each other and this returned deep regret in the heart of M, who at that moment felt himself unable to intervene and change anything. The scenes from his past life created kaleidoscope of mixed-up events which were unrelated and blunt. Nevertheless this vagueness had emotional intensity which tore his already jaded heart to disconnected pieces. Poor me, he exclaimed, poor my life which was all led in vain, a total disaster..This will be the end of a another miserable loser, who achieved nothing, a burden for the world. Better oblivion, calm and unknowing, than continue living with this guilt. I’m done with it, no more, no more..

Words were repeated continuously in his mind for several seconds. Then when his grip of the metal handling was starting to loose, a distant voice, this time from outer space caught his attention, he looked at the fast approaching object and recognized whitish seagul flying over his head. Then another, one more, a flock of seagulls circling around him like ready to prey on a fish. Wild sounds woke him up a bit, forcing him to change his viewing angle from within to without. He then saw the sky above him, which was turning pale blue with hints of orange and crimson, the sun was setting. Below, the ferry was passing calmy, creating harmonious waves which reflected the wondrous color pallet of the dusky sky. The scenery was tranquil and at one moment calmed his exalted inner being. But, at another the inertia pushed him to the hands of gravity, and come what may chance. 

Cold and awaking was the fall, the ferry was already at a distance and the river embraced stranger with lukewarm water, dark deep down but when resurfaced, a flash of evening light was as intense as if blind saw the daylight for the first time. 

Then some brute force started to pull his weakened and exhausted body out of the fast running water. Lucky chap, exclaimed the bearded middle-aged fisherman, whose stern but humane expression filled with deep tan and wrinkles shone welcomingly. You are not a god forsaken, and that’s already a positive sign to go on living. The waters are fast in here, so drowning is also fast and painless, he joked addressing everyone on the ship, M and other fishermen who were busy bringing warm clothes to dry him up. 

Calm and serenity have transformed recent exaltation of M, giving warmth of hope to his wet and weakened body. Sky was already dark above as sun stepped over horizon. But the clear conviction was there raising softly from the unexplored depth of being, a desire of renewal, to start all things once again.